Wow, a can't believe I remembered my login info. Its been a while...

Whew, that's enough taxing of the brain cells for now.

Date:	2003-09-09 08:20
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	peaceful

I need the beach... again.

Not just any ol' beach but one with pristine white sand, warm transparent water, gentle trade winds, birds other than seagulls, fish that make underwater rainbows, interesting shells and even more interesting native peoples. I want to close my eyes and only hear the constant sounds of cascading waves attempting to reach my cool perch under the shade of a naturally perfect palm. To top it off I want all this beauty filtered through the fulfilling haze that comes from overly adorned tropical elixirs provided by people who smile because they are happy, not because they are paid to.

These are moments in which one catches a glimpse of the greatness of life on this rock.

This is actually a response I posted on one of vidicon's journal entries. He stimulated a pretty good thread on why removing the Ten Commandments from that Alabama courthouse was a good idea. I'm somewhat on the fence...

***************

I'm more interested in where these types of court decisions will take us in the future. It can surely be argued that any reference to the word "God" in government can be traced back to religious roots. Here is an easy one. Once that is done it opens up an entirely new can of worms that we may not be so ready to accept. Removing religious references from all areas of government might eventually have more negative effects on our country than simply accepting the historical reasons behind it.

I don't believe in religion. Nor do I believe the Bible, the Torah, the Quran or any other religious texts are any more than pathetic human attempts to explain the grandeur of all that is creation.

However, I do believe that our society, like every other, has created its laws and even the basis of morality from its predominant religion. I also believe that the vast majority of human beings need religion to help them adhere to the standards of their society and/or just to live a happy, productive life.

Therefore, if we are to begin this expulsion of religion from government, we really need to be sure we can handle the aftermath. Its a very slippery slope. Monuments in court buildings now; swearing on bibles next; In God We Trust off money later. You think religious extremists are bad in other parts of the world? Just wait...

Part of the human condition is the unconscious desire to create personal prisons for ourselves. For the most part, we like to give most of our prisons palatable names like phobias, addictions, habits, routines or traditions. This way we can accept these life confining situations as beyond our control or worse yet, normal.

More and more I'm beginning to believe that the number one voluntary prison is marriage. You know, the whole unnatural(?) three-legged race towards death thing. Our optimistic couple is yoked together as they desperately try to maneuver around the potentially fatal obstacles such as loss of independence, in-laws, kids, money and the mother of all divorces - sex.

Essentially, marriage is the belief that any person's future sexual, emotional, and mental happiness can be found and completed in one other person. Is that realistic? Half of all marriages end in divorce. Of the remaining ones only 30% - 38% of them report actually being happy. So the rest of them are just a private investigator's photo away from divorce.

Those couples that are truly happy should really appreciate the fact that they have what it takes to beat enormous odds. My hat is off to you. One day I hope to win the three-legged race, too.

Futurama always manages to bring a smile...

True First Grade story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I know...he said - 'Holy Shit! A talking pig!'"

One man's terrorist is another's hero. It all depends on your point of view. Most of today's wars and brutal atrocities are based on religion beliefs. The sad truth is most American Christians cannot fathom the conviction of believers of other faiths. We are not equipped to deal with the notion of actually dying or killing for our faith. Because of this we are fooling ourselves if we think we can stop the centuries of fighting between cultures of radically different religious beliefs. All we will end up doing is causing more friction between them as well as creating animosity toward us. We need to learn when to bow out of others' business gracefully.

Date:	2003-08-20 09:53
Subject:	Goals?
Security:	Public
Mood:	optimistic

Remember how our parents' generation used to harp about having goals all the time? The word "goals" was in just about every paragraph that came out of an adult's mouth when talking to a kid. You don't hear that word as much as you used to. Wen you do its not quite the same as what they meant. Lately, I've heard things like "my goal in life is to one day be able to buy, with cash, a BMW X3 SUV", or "my goal is to make it thru the end of the year without killing somebody". Of course there are also the more lofty ones like " to be richer than Bill Gates" or "to find world peace". I hope they don't hold the breaths.

As a little kid my goal was to learn to climb walls like Spiderman. That didn't work out too well. Then as a teen I came up with the usual assortment of education, job, home, family ones. Did all that by 30. After turning 33 or 35 I went through a period of depression when I realized I hadn't planned anything past the age of 30.

It took me a couple of years to formulate my new adult life goal. After years of soul searching I have determined that I am a very successful lazy person. Though I have always been good at picking the creme de la creme of cushy jobs (except that infamous experience with 10dimensions and honeycry), I would actually prefer to not have a job at all. This does not mean not working at all, just not with a boss or an office or a time clock.

Therefore, my goal is simply to become financially independent enough to not have to report to a traditional "job" anymore. I will accomplish this within the next 10 years. There, I've said it. Now I simply have to make it happen.

Date:	2003-08-19 12:05
Subject:	Lovely
Security:	Public
Mood:	mellow

Ah, today is a lovely day. Its s'pposed to be around 90 (which "feels like" 100) degrees today. Mmm, I like it hot. The view is great - even though I can't really see the sky or more than 3 or 4 miles in any direction because of all the smog. Hmmm, maybe the filtered, temperature controlled, corner window office space is affecting my perception of reality a little bit.

Date:	2003-08-13 17:58
Subject:	LovSan
Security:	Public
Mood:	pissed off

Fucking bitch ass virus writers! You deserve a swift, steel toed kick in the nuts from every network administrator in the world.

Date:	2003-08-13 16:24
Subject:	mind meld
Security:	Public
Mood:	morose

Back in the later parts of the 20th century I fancied myself as somewhat of a superhero. Sometimes I would brazenly overcome the monumental odds I seemed to face on a daily basis. I faced each new day with a confident smile, knowing nothing would keep me from having the same smile at the end of that day. Other days would be spent as the genteel commoner, quietly blending in while taking overly detailed mental notes of my environment. This alter ego arrangement was quite efficient at making life bearable - even enjoyable most times.

Nowadays I would much rather be a Vulcan. I suppose this is a sensible progression since I now spend much less time knocking down walls as I do mulling over why the walls exist in the first place. Unfortunately, I find it hard to think about anything for any extended amount of time (5, 10 minutes maybe) without getting emotionally frustrated in one way or another. Relationships, politics, family issues, financial issues... Whatever it is, I end up spouting mental profanities before giving up on finding resolution. You know the thought bubble:

"Why is he/she tripping today? Why can't he/she understand what I'm trying to say? So where is this coming from? Let's get to the core of this problem and nip it in the bud. Is he/she not feeling well? Is he/she drunk or something? What if he/she leaves me? I don't want to be alone. Is it me? Am I really that bad of a person? Perhaps I am. Perhaps I need to reevaluate where I'm coming from. Maybe we should talk more. Maybe my parents did this to me. Naw, fuck that shit! He/she needs to get over it! I hate him/her! Dammit! *Sigh*, I do love his/her bitch ass! So why is he/she trippin.. Hmmm, Futurama's on...

Date:	2003-08-12 23:04
Subject:	sigh...
Security:	Public
Mood:	cynical

Most of us have already lived 30% - 50% of our lives. How much of that time was spent whining about how terrible life is? Too much. We manage to waste a lot of our precious time dwelling on a relatively small amount of fucked up life moments and things we have absolutely no control over.

Hell, average life expectancy in Botswana is only 35 years. How much does that suck? Perhaps we spoiled brats would be more likely to embrace life if we knew death was imminent and highly unpleasant. Then again, maybe not. At least there would only be 35 years to regret missing out on and not 80.

I've always said there is only so much happiness to be had. The rest of the time has to be spent coping with unhappiness. I guess the key is to recognize the fact that its impossible to be happy all the time and to cherish the times that we are.

What a difference a day makes. Yesterday I found myself shaken by old fears. Today I not only came to grips with those fears, I actually took action towards alleviating them. My lubber friends were much more active today. They were venturing out from the safety of the bushes. I watched several clumsily lumber across the sidewalks.

This afternoon as I lounged by the pool I noticed passersby spot them and give them a wide berth. Nobody seemed to want to get too close to them. Now I started to feel normal about my own squeamishness. There was a couple in the jacuzzi who suddenly became aware of a couple of lubbers approaching the area. They started splashing water to dissuade the clumsy creatures from getting too close. It seemed to be working until a huge one flanked them from behind. BATTLE STATIONS - Lubber In The Jacuzzi!! They damn near shit themselves as they scrambled to get out of the water. It was priceless. I couldn't contain my laughter.

I watched the guy try to be manly and protect his lady from the thrashing insect. He was unsuccessfully trying to get the thing out with his shoe. Problem was that he obviously didn't want to get too close to the damn thing.

At that point I decided to end this irrational fear - or maybe I was just still more buzzed than I care to admit. I got up, grabbed the lid off the full size tin trash can and easily scooped the beast out of the water. They seemed to give me the hero's gratitude as I flung him back into the bushes.

As I stumbled back to my chair I felt pretty good myself.

Date:	2003-07-30 01:07
Subject:	Irrational Fear
Security:	Public
Mood:	nostalgic

As you may or may not have heard, I am in Miami Beach getting some much needed R&R. Its not exactly Jamaica but I have been successful at pretending it is by keeping appropriate amounts of alcohol in my system.

This morning I had a run in with an old demon. After arising to a glorious postcard worthy morning I decided to take advantage of the complimentary continental breakfast (so many big words when "snack" would be more descriptive). To add to my idyllic morning I was the only person having breakfast so I had the entire cornucopia of bagels, fruit, cereal and boiled eggs (don't ask) all to myself. After preparing my plate and grabbing a glass of juice I decided to eat outside on the beautiful patio. Still the only person to be seen I found myself marveling at nature: the awesome greenery, ocean breezes, cute little lizards darting about on the table next to me... wait, what is that big thing moving abou... OHMYGAWD!! A Lubber!! A freaking lubber! The hair on the back of my neck stood up as my autonomic nervous system sprang into action by scanning for more alien life forms. After a quick glance under and around my table, my eyes wandered to the left. To my horror there were two even larger ones sunning on the bushes less than 5 feet from me.

Once the enemy was identified and the perimeter secured I decided to fight my instincts to run like hell back inside. After all, I am the manofsteel you know. So I finished my meal while keeping a keen eye on my fellow lifeforms. Now that I have been made to focus on my surroundings more closely, I noticed the virtual hoard of lubbers chilling out with me in my little paradise.

Perhaps a little background is necessary here. If you have no idea what a lubber is look at this and this. They are essentially three to four inch (not a typo) mutant grasshoppers. They are common in the deep south and southwest. I haven't seen lubbers since I was 13 and living in Albany, GA. The first time I saw one was when I was 9. So I didn't have the opportunity to "grow up with" them. Nor did I have time to get used to them. Therefore, they still make my fucking skin crawl.

Once they are fully grown they are damn near unkillable. No chemical affects them. No other animal wants to eat or even be near them. They are demon beasts. The only good things are they move very slowly, can't fly, and the males are totally preoccupied with having sex so its easy to keep an eye on them.

Well, the lubbers did manage to revive some youthful memories. Most of them revolve around target practice with my first BB gun but they are welcomed nonetheless.

Money, currency, funds, green, mullah, bank, scratch, dough, bread, bones, bucks, simoleons, dead presidents, loot, big faces, ends, coins, bank, cheese, cheddar... Whatever you call it, money makes the world go 'round.

How unfortunate for 99% of us.

Sometimes I wonder what life is like for the other 1%. I'm not talking about the lucky bastards who win the $200 million lotto. I mean people with real cheese like Bill Gates and Warren Buffet. Gates is worth around $60 billion - that's 60,000,000,000.00. That's crazy loot!

I just cannot imagine what it would be like to live with that. Think about it - virtually every single thing that we worry and complain about on a personal level could be simply eliminated. You could buy or finance ANYTHING imaginable and still have enough left over to support multiple future generations of your family! What can a day in the life be like for someone this? For what I can tell by the limited public exposure allowed by them, they are actually living somewhat like the regular executives. They seem to be exerting the energy and resources to actively create and maintain their own businesses.

I guess they are just driven like that. Personally, I'd be quite happy to cash in my chips at some point after a billion. I know sitting around on beaches sipping fruity drinks would get old after a few years but I just could not see maintaining a regular job. I'd definitely keep ownership and sit in the Chairman's chair every couple of months but that's about it. If anything I'd be trying to help others start their own businesses. I'd try to personally reduce some of the commonly acknowledged problems of the world. I think I'd feel better being busy doing that than figuring out how to make even more money that I'll never be able to spend.

Well, I guess that's why the everyman isn't meant to have anything other than the yellow cheddar.

Date:	2003-07-11 12:53
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	impressed

Seems that 10dimensions has found a pretty handy and accurate personality test at Mindmedia.com. Here's mine:

Auditory : 60%
Visual : 40%
Left : 44%
Right : 55%

Manofsteel, you show a slight right-hemisphere dominance with a moderate preference for auditory processing, an unusual and somewhat paradoxical combination of characteristics.

You are drawn to a random and sometimes nonchalant synthesis of material. You learn as it seems important to a specific situation, and might even develop a resentment of others who attempt to direct your learning down a specific channel.

Your right-hemispheric dominance provides a structure that is only loosely organized and one which processes entire swatches of reality, overlooking details. You are emotional in your reactions and perceptual more than logical in your approach, although you can impose structure and a language base when necessary.

Your auditory preference, on the other hand, implies that you process information sequentially and unidimensionally. This combination of right-brain and auditory modes creates conflict, as you want to process data more rapidly than your natural processes allow.

Your tendency to be creative and free-flowing is accompanied by sufficient ability to organize and be logical, allowing you a reasonable degree of success in a number of different endeavors. You take in information methodically and systematically which can then be synthesized rapidly. In this manner, you manage to function consistently well, although certainly less efficiently than you desire.

You prefer the abstract and are a theoretician at heart while retaining the ability to be practical. You find the symbolism in a great deal of what you encounter and are something of a "mystic."

With regards to your lifestyle, you have the mentality which would be good as a philosopher, writer, journalist, or instructor, or possibly as a systems designer or social worker. Perhaps most important is your ability to "listen to your inner voice" as a mode of skipping over unnecessary steps to achieve your goals.

Ponder this thought: what if we all are in hell right now?

Maybe we all have already lived one or more lifetimes that we fucked up. Perhaps those existences were on a higher plain where there was no need, no want, or no dream that was not fulfilled. Perhaps the system was so perfect that we rebelled causing unholy chaos amonst our poor unsuspecting brethren. Therefore, the forces that be have cast our disgruntled asses into this world as punishment.

This would explain alot. For instance, haven't you ever wondered: why do "good" people get fucked up and over all the time; why is there crime; why do kids have to die; why are people in a constant state of anger and resentment; why do we have to have so many languages to restrict communication; why do we have to work; why are there so many diseases; why are men and women complete opposites when it comes to having sex; why must a hangover follow a night of awesome consumption of mass quantities; why aren't cars flying yet - and more importantly, why can't slow ass drivers get the fuck out of the fast lane when they see you coming?

Perhaps our whole solar system is nothing but hell's penal colony. Each planet houses different levels of sinners. The poor bastards sentenced to Venus are frying like popcorn shrimp on a saute pan. And Mercury - forget about it!

I submit to you that as we sit at our collective desks we are doing nothing but operating the giant bellows that fan the scathing flames of hell. Its all around us and we are none the wiser. How do you know that brimstone doesn't smell like smog or that the devil doesn't look like George Bush?

Ponder this the next time you get sunburned.

Well, this past Independence Day will be forever remembered as the one where I realized that I have definitely "plateaued".

I think most people look at life as a gradually rising line of exciting events. This line eventually reaches a sudden point of maturity where it abruptly starts a downward trend of opposite polarity to the previous ascent. (This quite similar to my Lucent stock).

I have always saw the life graph as more of flat topped mountain. Your life has constant and exciting changes through the 20s and early 30s. Schools, jobs, spouses, homes, babies and sh** like that. Then comes midlife. Here, monotony reigns. You have pretty much accomplished most of what your sorry arse is good for. So there aren't many exciting spikes just more of the same, but familiar and constant, daily flatlines. AFter this comes old age where the line starts down that slippery incontinent slope towards worm city.

This weekend I realized I am firmly planted on the plateau. As I recuperated from what I have self-diagnosed as a slipped disk I caught myself being disturbed by every show that came on MTV. Although the Vicodin and muscle relaxers inhibited my ability to reach the distant remote, or even call for help, I was able to filter a few thoughts from the sweet haze.

I noted how I used to love to dance, clubbing in general, how I used to shop for myself more, how money didn't matter that much, how "young" people get on my nerves with their petty worries, and of course more than anything else: how my back had never "gave out" before.

Thankfully, I figure I'll retain some fun stuff for the rest of the ride. I guess sex, drinking, drugs are good enough crutches for the journey.

The all knowing MSN homepage alerted me yesterday that we have "discovered" a new solar system. It seems that this system has a planet similar to Jupiter. This system seems to revolve around the HD70642 star. This should lead us to wonder about where we stand from a universal perspective.

We know for sure that there are at least 109 planets up there (which includes our system's puny 9). Aren't we lucky to be the only living things in the universe? Joy! I think it is the height of arrogance to make that assumption.

But then again, a large portion of our society said Matrix Reloaded had "too much talking in it" that they didn't understand. I guess pondering the endless possibilities of the universe is a bit much for the average Joe.

http://www.cnn.com/2003/TECH/space/07/03/science.jupiter.reut/index.html

Ahh, a pretty white HTML page. Excellent foundation for the Fortress. Thanks to 10dimensions for providing this slice of cyberproperty. Time to build my vault of random thoughts and "jamesisms"...